Black or White

exams r come n gone but the silly project just wont go away...but thank God my cringe is way behind me!!!

to more serious issues, i feel lazy, like the very thing that used to drivve me is missing and i cant understand it...i cant belive i didnt go for shiloh, even if i was ill, (it wont be the first time that i was ill during shiloh)...n this time i know am not being too hard on myself or beating myself up for nothing. there was just no excuse.

the mornin devotion at home doesnt hold anymore and i used to be in charge of that. what happened??? true, i was workin and i wasnt at home, my mum was always travellin n my dad just had a different schedule but i could still have gotten it to happen (i think)

i used to look forward to just prayer meetings, or just any spiritual gathering but now i also look forward to outings that have just fun n relaxation value (catchin a movie, somewhere i have to dress up to etc?).

i used to devote all my extra time to reading strictly spiritual books (no novels AT ALL) but now, i find those books on business, investments, financial issues and topics like that very interesting

i used to wake up at like 5am to watch Creflo Dollar, Joyce Meyer etc on TBN and the pray for like an hour but now, i find that am awake till about 4am watchin the apprentice...and then i sleep! not even an hour of prayer like i used to.

i used to fast a lot...there was a time i set myself on a forty-days fast and i didnt die but now fatsing for three days seems like a lot of hardwork and even the weekly fast of one day a week seems tedious

guys!!!...i used to see relationships from an entirely, entirely different angle and now i just don't see them from that angle anymore ( u must understand that its hard for me to put that angle in words)...k i'll try, it used to be all rosy colored n perfect and all about Jesus but now i think there is no hard and fast rule to it, que sera sera

i used to think that u had to be the perfect wife (almost stepford) and have to do everything in a certain way to have the perfect family or at least to have a happy home n a faithful husband but now i just think that of a truth, no person is perfect and a man who's gonna be faithful will be faithful and if one is gonna be happy, u just have to pick someone that is indeed a soulmate!

now, the music, geez!, i used to be straight up gsopel, nothin secular but now i find that i welcome the noise of the secular, as a matter of fact, sometimes i really do like it

...i'll finish up this reality check later

brown sugar, u really gotta help me!!!

peace!